Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
high people should be assigned attendants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
