trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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