I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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