Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
