That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
