i think my mom watched the whole time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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