I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize