so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
