Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
