literally had 100 drinks last night.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
