I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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