I think im going to throw up on grandma
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
