She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
