this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
