she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
