goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
