Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
