Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
