i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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