O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
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