if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
