Got a toothbrush?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
