Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
