i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
