i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
