I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
