i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
