I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
