I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
