i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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