i used baking grease as lip gloss
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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