Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
