She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
