i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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