How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
