I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
