Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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