Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
