i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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