perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize