the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
