I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
