how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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