No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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