how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
