Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
