So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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