Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
should my penis look like a turkey
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
