I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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