we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Michael Bay diarrhea
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
