A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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