so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
