I skipped work to stalk him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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