he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
