he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
