All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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