dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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