census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
