Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
