Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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