Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just high enough for therapy.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
