trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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