i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
