I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
