I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
