I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tell her she can't have a vagina
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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