How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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