Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
