You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sober January is a disaster.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
