that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize