I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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