either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
