now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize